Robin Williams’ Death: A Reminder for HR to Watch for Employee Depression

                Robin Williams gave us the impression that he was a fun-loving, happy guy.  Now we know that when the crowds left and the cameras stopped rolling, he was suffering from depression.  He was not alone.  According to the CDC, 1 in 10 people in the U.S. suffers from depression.  For those of us who are managers and HR specialists, watching for signs of depression in our employees could realistically help save lives.

                 In the late 1990’s, I was clinically depressed.  I fell into a hole so deep that  I contemplated ending it all as well.  As a result, today I am (1) very aware of the signs of depression in my body and immediately work to get rid of them when they hit and (2) hypersensitive when others seem to be falling into the abyss.

                For me, my depression became worse about a year after the birth of my second child.  Perhaps a latent postpartum depression (the doctors couldn’t agree on that), it started at a time when I had what others would think was a great life:  nice job, nice family, and two great kids.  On the surface, what could make me depressed?  But that’s just it.  As I found out, the EXTERNAL environment isn’t always the culprit.  Depression is INTERNAL. 

                Depression is caused by a chemical imbalance that can really be blamed on our ancestry.  Imagine a cave man who is faced with a saber-toothed tiger.  His body gears up for either fight or flight.  In both cases, the adrenalin flows and helps build up blood and oxygen into his arms and legs to help him fight the tiger or run like hell.  Fast forward to today.  In some of us, when we feel that something is wrong, the adrenal gland starts pumping.  This is great when there is deadline at work and we have to get things done quickly.  But what about when we are just dealing with the stress of everyday life?  While some people are not seriously affected, others can’t turn off the adrenalin.  It keeps pumping.  A build-up can cause depression and many other physical symptoms.

                So what are the symptoms of depression?  Imagine that adrenalin pumping and pumping.  While it helps blood flow to your arms and legs, your internal organs, such as your lungs, don’t get the normal amount of oxygen that it usually gets.  That means that often depressed people get a higher rate of bronchial illnesses.  The one issue that most affected me was the inability to sleep, yet I was tired all the time.  I found out that the adrenalin was pumping all day, wearing out my body.  I would go to bed and conk out immediately because of physical exhaustion.  Once my body rested for an hour or two, the adrenalin would take over, wake up my mind, and I would spend the rest of the night looking at the ceiling.  Other symptoms can include stomach issues (constipation or diarrhea), high blood pressure, inexplicable anger and outbursts, or withdrawing from others.

                Do you have some employees who call in sick more than others?  Who seem to catch “the crud” every time it is in the area and even sometimes when it is not?  Does “the crud” seem to coincide with job deadlines or unusually stressful events at work?  Do you have an employee who seems tired all the time?  Or one who has withdrawn from other employees?  All of these may be signs of clinical depression.

                So what do you do if you suspect an employee is clinically depressed?  Talk to the employee.  Ask them how they are doing.  Focus on what you’ve seen - - “you seem to be a little withdrawn - - is everything ok?”  “you seem tired all the time - - are you alright?”  You may not get much information, or you MAY get some discussion.  I am always in favor of the honest, if not blunt, approach.  “John, have you ever thought that there may be a physical reason for the way you are feeling?  I had a friend that had similar symptoms [that would be me!] and she was diagnosed with a chemical imbalance.  Maybe you should see a doctor.”

                So how do people deal with depression?  What we need to do is stop that adrenalin.   Here are some ways:

(1)  Talk it out - - sometimes discussing a problem or problems helps lessen the severity.  You are sharing the weight of the world with others, and it is more manageable.  This can be just talking to a friend or talking to a professional (medical doctor or psychologist).

(2) Run it out – put the adrenalin to good use - - exercise to get it out of your system.  Running, walking, whatever you prefer, may help your body get back on track.

(3) Meditate – If you haven’t done this before, I suggest you start by working with someone who can help you get started.  Find a quiet place and a comfortable position.  For me, I work from my toes to my head trying to relax each body part.  Concentrate in your internal self, on relaxing.  Try to keep out the thoughts of the outside world.  I had so much trouble with this initially and kept hearing the chattering of my mind (referred by some as “the monkey mind”).  Eventually, though, the quiet peacefulness comes with practice.

(4) Medication – For some of us, the above methods aren’t successful by themselves and an anti-depressant should be prescribed.  Such a determination should be made by a trained physician.  Being on an anti-depressant shouldn’t be seen as a failure.  Remember, this is a drug that deals with a chemical imbalance.  Would you be a failure if you had to take high blood pressure medicine or insulin?  Use the same thought process.  The medication is there to help your body work better.

For me, I have used all of the above methods.  I was on medication for about 18 months and, with the assistance of a physician, weaned myself off.  Some people remain on medication, with 14% of them using them for 10 years or more.   When I feel “that feeling” of the stress, panic, adrenalin, or depression hit, I take a step back and try to figure out what triggered the feeling.  I can’t always do that, but I make sure I go back to the habit of talk it out - - run it out - - meditate and this helps me get back on track.

                I don’t pretend to know what went on in Robin Williams’ life or how his depression caused him to take the final, fatal act.  All I can tell you is that statistics show that one in ten of everyone you encounter also has this disease.  For those of us who manage employees, we can help by promoting awareness and letting people know – there is hope. 

 

Why HR Should Support ENDA

A proposed bill in Congress, called ENDA, is up for discussion again this year.  This isn’t the first time it has come up, but it does have more momentum now than in previous years.   At this writing, it looks like the Senate may actually pass it.  The House of Representatives, however, may not even bring it up to a vote.  As an HR professional who has been in the business for over 30 years, I think this bill is not only “the right thing to do,” but its passage is a necessity.    Forgetting about warm fuzzies for a few moments, I am presenting three business reasons why human resources professionals should support this bill.

ENDA is The Employment Non-Discrimination Act.  If ratified, the law would prohibit discrimination in hiring and employment on the basis of sexual orientation or gender identity by civilian and nonreligious employers with at least 15 employees.  The reaction of some of the politicians regarding this bill reminds me of the scene in the mayor’s office in Ghosthunters:   We are “headed for a disaster of biblical proportions…Fire and brimstone coming down from the skies!  Rivers and seas boiling!...  Forty years of darkness!  Earthquakes, volcanoes, The dead rising from the grave, Human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together…mass hysteria!”   Let’s calm down a minute.   I hate to do this, but I think I will try to confuse everyone with facts instead of “mass hysteria.”

Reason One:  In actuality, the passage of ENDA may let another secret “out of the closet” - - harassment of a person because of their perceived sexual orientation or gender identity is already against the law.   Even if you’re not a lawyer, you can easily Google lawsuits such as Price Waterhouse v. Hopkins (1989), Oncale v. Sundowner Offshore Services (1988), and the recent September 2013 ruling in EEOC v. Boh Brothers Construction Company.  In each of these cases, a person alleged that he or she received harassment and/or discrimination because the employee did not fit the stereotype of how his or her gender was supposed to act.   In Oncale and Boh Brothers, male employees were faced with a hostile work environment because other employees thought they acted too effeminate.  In the Price Waterhouse case, a female was told she didn’t act feminine enough and was subsequently not given a promotion.  All sued under Title VII of the Civil Rights Act of 1964, claiming that they were being discriminated against because of their gender.    You see, folks, this has been on the books for ALMOST 50 YEARS and the courts are now interpreting Title VII’s protection of gender as including protection from discrimination if the person’s gender doesn’t fit someone else’s stereotype of how that gender should act.   With the passage of ENDA, employers can officially say that this activity is against the law instead of having to go around their elbows by giving the detailed Title VII “gender stereotype” examples as I had to do above.  In other words, unlike those politicians who are saying that this passage will cause MORE lawsuits, in theory, the passage could cause LESS as more companies will understand in clearer terms that this activity IS against the law.

Another reason HR should support ENDA comes from Aretha Franklin:   “R.E.S.P.E.C.T.”    I live in the South where we pride ourselves that we don’t need unions or third-party intermediaries between our managers and our employees.  A great deal of this non-union environment is because we encourage respect for our employees.  How can we promote and encourage respect on the one hand and on the other hand allow disrespect for persons because of their sexual orientation?  An organization is either respectful of employees and applicants or not.  News of bad actions travel a lot faster and last a lot longer than good ones.  Employees and the public will hear if you are not respectful.  Period.   What impression do you want YOUR company to have with the public?

The final reason of my short list in support of ENDA is that it just makes good recruiting sense.  Even though we have recently experienced high unemployment rates, the rates will go down.  People will begin moving around to attractive employers whose “brand” is that of an organization with a welcoming environment.  HR managers and hiring managers will want to hire the most qualified people who they can afford.  In today’s competitive environment, employers who disregard candidates because of reasons other than knowledge, skills, abilities, (KSAs), performance, and attendance are shooting themselves in the foot.   We in HR should promote and encourage our hiring managers and supervisors to forget about all other things except for whether or not the person is qualified for and can perform the job.  Otherwise, we are discounting a lot of potentially good employees.  In my supervisory training, I tell supervisors that in reality it doesn’t matter what all the laws are and who is protected under Title VII, the Age Discrimination in Employment Act, or the laws relating to military services, disability, genetic information, and so forth.  They shouldn’t worry so much about whether or not Congress tomorrow decides that anyone who wear green dresses are covered.  If we are being good supervisors, then we are staying with our plan to hire and promote those who are most qualified for the job. 

It has been estimated that ENDA will help protect the rights of over 7 million private sector employees.  Somehow many politicians think of the LGBT community as “them.”  “They” are “us.”  They are parents, children, friends, aunts, and uncles.  They are knowledgeable employees who help make our companies successes.   It makes good business sense to protect and respect them in all of our organizations.

Healthcare Reform Act - A Step-by-Step for HR - Part I - Rebates

Yep, I know:  you waited and hoped the Supremes would make your life easier by ruling that the Healthcare Reform Act was unconstitutional.  You haven’t done a thing to prepare.  The Court let you down.  Now you are slammed up against the impending deadlines and you realize that the future election is AFTER some of these deadlines kick in.  There’s no hope that you’ll get out of this now.  Uh Oh!!  Don’t panic.  This week and in the coming weeks, I’ll list some of How-To’s for HR, starting with the most pending deadlines.  We’ll get through this - - we always do.

August 2012 Rebates 

The Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act (PPACA) – the real name of the Healthcare Reform Act – calls for insurers (for our purposes, that would mean insurance companies) to report their Medical Loss Ratios (MLR).  If the insurer fails to achieve the stated MLR, it must issue a rebate.  The first rebate is due August 2012.  Getting money doesn’t sound like a bad thing, but since we in HR are under the rules of the IRS and the Department of Labor (which includes compliance with the Employment Retirement Income Security Act of 1974 – ERISA), we need to make sure we understand the consequences and have a game plan of what to do with the funds.

Where did these funds come from?

A “loss ratio” is not a new term.  Those of us in HR know the term from discussing workers comp premiums with carriers or when a broker is trying to explain why our health insurance rates went up.   Basically, it is the ratio of premiums they receive compared to what they have to pay out (medical care and quality improvement).  Since carriers DO work for a profit, they are going to figure in the loss ratio and add a percentage for administrative costs and profit in determining our premiums each year.  Under PPACA, the carrier is supposed to figure out the Medical Loss Ratio for a plan and determine the exact percentage paid.  For large groups of 100 employees or more (50 or more in some states until 2016, then 100), if the MLR does not reach 85% or, for smaller plans if it does not reach 80%, then a rebate must be given.

Who, what, when?

This rebate does NOT apply to self-funded plans.   Employers with partially- or fully-insured plans may or may not receive a refund.  It depends on the MLR and the manner in which the given state interprets its calculation.  The Kaiser Family Foundation’s recent survey found that, nationwide, employers are expecting rebates totaling $541 million in the large market and $377 in the small market.  This analysis will be ongoing, but the first rebates should be arriving in August 2012.

If your employer purchased the insurance for the benefit of the employees, then the rebate, if there is one, will go to the policy holder, meaning the employer.    Before you start planning on using the rebate to buy an IPad – I have one little heads up for you:  The insurer is supposed to send a letter to ALL subscribers in the group that a rebate is coming!  That’s right!  All those employees who traditionally stand in your doorway, call you, text you, and send you emails regarding every itty bitty thing will now have a good reason to bug you with “Where’s my money?”

Who Gets to Keep the Money?

ERISA has lots of rules regarding “Plan Assets” but these rules normally come into play with regards to retirement plans.  We now have to expand our way of thinking to include Plan Assets in our health insurance plan if we get a rebate.  Basically, we all need to write a policy regarding our medical plan and what to do if we have Plan Assets in the plan.

The DOL has provided some guidance with Technical Release No. 2011-04 with regards to what to do with the money.  The following is MY interpretation of this.  It is not verbatim and if you need more clarification, I suggest you speak with your broker and/or attorney:

-If the employer paid 100% of the premium, then the rebate goes to the employer and there are technically no “Plan Assets”; the employer can do whatever it wants with the money (but wouldn’t it be cool to at least have a little party or a cake or SOMETHING???)

-If the employees paid 100% of the premium, then the entire rebate is considered Plan Assets.

-If the employer paid a stated portion and the employee paid a stated portion, then the percentage that each party paid should be calculated and the employer portion of the premium goes to the employer and the employee percentage goes to “Plan Assets”.

-If the employer paid a fixed portion and the employee a variable portion of the premium – figure out the percentage that the employees paid for the relevant period.  The rebate is then divided proportionately, with the employer receiving its percentage and the “Plan Assets” being the employee portion.  The reverse is true if the employer paid the variable portion and the employee paid a fixed portion.

The above calculations should prove to be “reasonable, fair, and objective” (RFO for short)

The guidelines in the Technical Release No. 2011-04 also discuss the possible scenarios regarding distribution of the “Plan Assets” to the employees.  Things that should be considered: 

-Should the Plan Assets just go to our current insured employees or all of the employees (even the terminated ones) who were covered during the period of coverage?

-What would be the rebate per employee?

-What would be the administrative cost to pay back the employees (or to find the terminated employees)?

-What would be the tax ramifications (more on this in a minute)*?

The guidelines state that, unless you have policies to the contrary, if it is determined that the cost of distributing shares of a rebate to former employees is cost prohibitive (or approximately the cost of the rebate), then it is permissible to allocate the rebate to current employees if that can be done in a RFO fashion.  Or that it may be RFO to determine that, instead of issuing rebates in the form of checks, it may be easier to put the Plan Assets toward future plan premiums to offset the employee pay portion.

A few things to remember –

If you have multiple insurance policies through an insurer, you should make sure you understand which policy had a rebate and make sure the rebate benefits the employees insured under that policy.

*If you plan to hand out checks to your employees and former employees regarding the rebate, remember it is taxable.  If you plan to apply the rebate toward your employees’ portion of the premium (called by some “premium holiday”), then you do not have to charge the employee additional taxes.   As most employers have a pre-tax plan for employee-paid premiums (POP plans or cafeteria plans), the decrease in the pre-tax premium paid would mean an increase in the taxable income, so the tax goes up anyway. 

So What’s the Game Plan?

__ Speak with your finance department and others involved in the decision-making process of what to do if you get a rebate.  Explain that you may or may not be getting a rebate, but that your company should at least go forward with creating a Policy Statement for Plan Assets regarding your medical plans.

__ Write your Policy Statement.  Be sure to consider what you will do with the Plan Assets and consider previous employees, current employees and even future employees (for example, are you going to let new employees get a portion of the rebate even though they were not insured during the policy period that included the rebate?)  Make sure the policy statement is “reasonable, fair, and objective.”

__ Speak to your insurance carrier representative to find out if you are getting a rebate.  If you are, be prepared with a carefully written letter to your employees stating what your policy is regarding the distribution of the rebate.   Write this carefully allowing for as much transparency as possible into your decision-making process.

__ When you receive your rebate, let your employees know.  Remind them what you intend to do with the rebate.   This is a good time to remind them how much money the company has been contributing to their insurance all along.  Turn this administrative exercise into a “Yea Team” pep rally for your organization and its great benefits.

But then again, we’ll have more opportunity to let them know just how much the employer contributes to their benefits when we meet next week for Part 2 of this Blog.  That will be our discussion of Box 12 of our W-2’s.   Until next time...

Hit “Like” if You Are Against Slavery – California’s New Law

I am often on Facebook for personal and business purposes. Once or twice a day on my News Feed page, I get a request from a friend to hit “Like” if I am against spouse abuse, animal abuse, child abuse, drunk driving, cancer, various other illness, nasty neighbors, garbage, pollution, and so on. Obviously, I am against these things, but I really get an attitude when there is an implied message that if I don’t take the requested action I am a horrible person. If I don’t “like” that I am against these things, then I must be “for” these things, and thereby I must be burned at the stake.

So it is with the new California Transparency in Supply Chains Act. California employers who are retailers or manufacturers in the state now must go through a series of steps to be in compliance with this new state law, effective January 1, 2012. First, the company must verify and evaluate the risks of human trafficking and slavery in their supply chain. Suppliers must be audited in unannounced audits. Suppliers must provide certification that the materials produced comply with human rights laws, included the human rights policies of the International Labour Organization of the UN. The company must have written accountability standards and procedures. All employees who are involved in procurement of materials must be trained in these standards and on human trafficking and slavery laws. AND the company’s compliance must be disclosed in a prominent place on their websites, showing consumers that the company intends to comply with the anti-slavery philosophy.

I am as much against slavery as I am against any other exploitation and mistreatment of persons. But once again, the grain of a good idea has now grown into a giant beanstalk of compliance. I am reminded of a cartoon I recently saw where the boss was telling his executives that he wanted them to be flexible, spontaneous, and imaginative - - while all the while he is handing them 10-inch binders filled with ISO 9000 compliance regulations. No matter how well-meaning the legislation, proving compliance is going to be time-consuming, costing businesses more time away from being profitable.

My frustration over this is that required compliance is the creation of more paper and documentation. Much of this documentation will be prepared by employees in honest, hard-working companies who are proving that their products are “slavery-free.” Ok, there will be a few Kathy Lee Gifford's out there who will not realize that their shirts were sown by six-year olds on some remote island and who will change their supply chain. But the real abusers – those who have known for years that their garments were created in illegal sweat shops – will not change their ways. They’ll simply take the time to prepare fake documents to show they are in compliance.

The Governor of California announced during Mothers’ Day weekend that there had been a “little” error on the prediction of their state deficit. It went from $9 billion to over $16 billion. California – save your industries a lot of money. Create a Facebook page, and just require all the retailers and manufacturers to hit “Like” if they are against slavery. That will have the same effect and cost everyone a lot less to comply.

Sexual Harassment Claims – Cain and Penn State Sounded the Alarm

As an HR consultant who investigates and trains employees on sexual harassment issues, I keep a Google Alert for new “sexual harassment” articles that hit the web. In the past, this usually resulted in three to four notifications a week. Since mid-November, I’m getting emails regarding 8 to 10 new reports A DAY. I can’t keep up with all the stories. Police departments, schools, restaurants, rec centers, even a Dairy Queen in NC – all getting slapped with harassment lawsuits. And it isn’t just relegated to the U.S. – reports are popping up from across the globe from Italy to India.

So what happened? The Herman Cain and Penn State stories collided in the internet ether and caused a re-emergence of an issue that had been lying dormant.

Most of us had learned of this issue in 1991 during the Clarence Thomas Supreme Court hearings. A brave lady by the name of Anita Hill came forward and issued testimony regarding now Justice Thomas’s antics in chambers with his staff. Questions began to surface regarding what was appropriate in the workplace. Family newspapers actually printed the word “pubic” for the first time as we learned that the courts looked at a “reasonable person standard” to determine if certain conversations would be considered “sexual in nature” by reasonable people. Everyone discussed whether Thomas’s discussion of that hair on the soda can would be considered “sexual.” So we talked about it, laughed about it, Thomas made it to the Supreme Court anyway, and we started dozing off.

Then, in 1998, we were jolted by two cases before the Supreme Court (yes, Thomas was sitting right there). Combined, these cases became known as the Ellerth Faragher defense, or the Affirmative Defense, for employers. In my non-attorney layman’s terms, the cases basically led to the recommendation to employers to start getting their act together to prevent sexual harassment (and other forms of illegal harassment, too, for that matter): (1) Write a policy (2)Don’t hide it and let it gather dust – actually TRAIN employees – that means managers and non-managers – what it means. (3) Make sure that everyone knows what to do if there is a complaint – where to go, what to say (4) Start an investigation promptly, separating the parties when necessary to make sure that the harassment stops immediately and (5)After the investigation, take the necessary corrective action. Then, in the event of a lawsuit, that employer can come forward and say, “But your Honor, we did everything we could to make sure that there was no sexual harassment in our facility. If the complaining party didn’t come forward – how could we know this existed?” So, MANY (unfortunately, not all) employers got their I’s dotted, t’s crossed, trained staff…… and fell back to sleep.

Over time, the line we drew in the sand started slipping. People were just happy to have a job and didn’t want to make waves. Training money was scarce, so we didn’t always do our annual training. New managers came forward and weren’t trained, old ones forgot. Yawn….

Then the Herman Cain allegations came up and at the same time we felt the jolt of the Penn State molestation claims. The alarm bells are ringing again. Those who feel they have been harassed suddenly remembered they have a right to work in a place free from sexual harassment. Now managers and HR professionals are running around fighting off the fires of new claims. Lawyers are smiling. Policies are being reviewed and rewritten. The WORLD is outraged.

Can we please make sure that we don’t fall asleep again this time?

Working on Thanksgiving – It Blows

Have you taken the time to sit back and look in awe at how our communications are changing due to social networking? Anthony Hardwick of Omaha has figured it out. Twenty years ago, when Anthony himself was only 9, adults who were unhappy with their conditions of work had three choices: complain to the boss, quit their jobs, or grin and bear it. This month Anthony exercised his fourth option: he started an online petition to get the public involved.

Anthony has worked at Target for three years and was none too pleased when Target notified all employees that they had to report to work at 11 p.m. on Thanksgiving in order to be ready for the start of Black Friday at midnight. He now has over 200,000 signatures on his petition to protest the extended hours. So is Anthony a genius? A Moron? The wind is blowing both ways on this one.

The Wind Blows One Way – Anthony is a Genius
Anthony didn’t want to work Thursday night. Thanksgiving was the anniversary of when he proposed to his now fiancée. Because of all of the unwanted publicity, Target says Anthony can have the day off. Mission Accomplished! Maybe all of his whining about turkey, mom, and family values will send a message to retailers.

The Society of Human Resources Management (SHRM) released the “SHRM 2011 employee Job Satisfaction Survey Report” this month which reveals that 38% of the participants felt that their job satisfaction depended on a “flexibility to balance life and work.” Work/life balance is nothing new, we’ve been discussing it in HR circles for decades. What has changed is that with the X and Y generations, there isn’t just a quiet request, these groups demand it. Anthony falls right into these groups.

One other issue that maybe shows either Anthony’s intelligence or perhaps his dumb luck is the recent interpretations of social media and disciplining employees. The National Labor Relations Board has stated in several opinions of late that if an employee complains through social media regarding the conditions of employment (in his case, hours of work), then the employer cannot terminate him for exercising his protected concerted activity. Of course the OTHER part of that is that he is supposed to complain to the employer or with other employees. I’m not sure how Anthony started out – was his petition to the world or to employees? A good attorney could probably argue either way if Target tried to terminate him. Target won’t – millions of people are watching. It would be horrible public relations.

The Other Direction – Anthony is a Moron
What kind of person who works in retail expects to have Black Friday off? Or at least expects to not have to report in the wee hours of the morning to be ready for the shoppers? Retail employees have had to endure this routine for decades. Yes, the start time IS creeping forward, but should we really feel sorry for him? At a time when 9.1% of the country is without a job, Anthony is bellyaching because he has to report to work? Cry me a river.

Retailers are hoping that THIS year will be the one that brushes off the dust of the economy and starts the arrows on those charts going up again. Target, Macy’s, Best Buy, Kohl’s, and Wal-Mart are all trying to give those arrows a little added fuel by starting the sales earlier. Is Anthony really smart to be putting his employer in a bad light because of this? Anthony:
Bad PR = reduced sales = reduced profit
= reduced need for your complaining sorry ass
Target may not be able to fire you specifically for the 200,000-person petition you created, but you can bet that if the layoffs come, they will draw the line right below the three years of service mark so they’ll be sure to scoop up your name in the discard pile.

So What’s the Bottom Line?
If shoppers are so aghast that Target and similar retailers are opening earlier this year, they can simply refuse to shop until Friday morning. It will be interesting to see how many boycotters there are. NEXT year will these stores decide to vote for mom and apple pie and not open so early? My bet is that this petition won’t change a thing.

And Anthony – if you are wanting to stay home on Thursday because it is the anniversary of when you proposed to your now-fiancée, I have some advice for you: Hurry up and marry the girl already. One year anniversary of an engagement? If you wait another year, she’ll be shopping for something else on Black Friday 2012 – a new boyfriend.